The Summer I Turned Pretty by Jenny Han
by anne.noonan05
Summary: Belly returns from her year abroad and her emotions are even more tangled than ever. However, she isn't the same Belly. She's changed but so have both Fisher boys.
1. Chapter 1

** I do not own the original story line, plot, or characters in the series by Jenny Han. I also took inspiration and ideas from other fanfiction stories.**

 **Chapter One**

 **Belly:**

Everyone around me is full of life, energy. Some are talking loudly and laughing others are fighting. I feel like the whole world is moving and bustling. But not me. A calm has set over me since I have been in Spain. I haven't thought about Jeremiah or Conrad or any of our futures. I became a different person when I left the airport last year. It was almost like a switch flipped. Instead of being over-emotional and feeling Belly, I became numb. Of course I studied and completed my classes, after all that is why I spent a year abroad. But I also partied harder than I think I ever had. None of it felt real though. I wasn't living. I was watching somebody else live my life, almost like I was in a movie. The only time I remotely felt anything that resembled an emotion was when Conrad wrote to me. I never returned any of the letters. I couldn't bring myself to open the flood gates. One wrong move and all the pent up emotions would come crashing back, full force.

The plane ride home was long, uncomfortable, and lonely. Most of the other students were going to stay an extra few days to say goodbye to their significant others and host families. I didn't make any special connections like that so there was no point in me staying. I wanted to be home. I wanted to see Taylor and my mom and Steven. I wanted to feel something. But not everything. Not yet. I still wan't ready to deal with the emotional baggage that was Jeremiah and Conrad Fisher.

Just thinking about my life and how complicated it has gotten is exhausting. My eyelids grew extremely heavy as I watched the plane take off from my crapped window seat. I let sleep take over. I dreamed of being in Cousins with Susannah at the beach house. I dreamed that I was swimming in the pool and she was in a lounge chair watching me. I dreamed that no one else existed and it was just the two of us, forever.

I jolted upright. The middle aged man seated next to me gently shook me awake. "Sweetheart the plane landed," he stated calmly.

"Oh uh thanks," I stuttered. I grabbed my carry-on and headed out of the terminal to the baggage claim. I was suddenly aware of what I must look, and smell, like. Before seeing my family face to face for the first time in over a year, I decided that I should go to the bathroom and at least attempt to make myself look presentable.

I walked into the ladies room, and surprisingly, it was empty except for a mother and her young daughter washing their hands. I splashed cold water on my face and pulled my hair back into a loose braid. I couldn't really do anything about my outfit or lack of make up, considering the rest of my luggage was probably being man-handled by airport workers at this very second.

 **Conrad**

I was more nervous than I think I had ever been in my entire life. Laurel accidentally let it slip that Belly was coming home today. She wouldn't let me come with her to pick Belly up but that didn't stop me from taking my own car. I picked up flowers on the way, pink peonies. They reminded me of my mom and I felt an twinge of sadness. I quickly shook it off and continued to look for Belly.

Across the way, I saw Steven, Taylor, and Laurel get out of a Steven's car. Taylor held a sign that said 'Welcome Home Belly' in light blue letters, Belly's favorite color.

Finally I saw her. She looked jet lagged but beautiful none the less. She had her hair pulled to the side in a cute little braid and she didn't have any makeup on. She glanced around the room looking for something, maybe someone. In my heart, there was a flicker of hope. Maybe she was looking for me. That little glimmer of hope was crushed quicker than it had come.

We locked eyes and I could see the pain behind her eyes. Her face remained flat and she shook her head ever so slightly. She didn't come closer, she didn't accept the flowers, and she definitely didn't speak to me. She continued on and met her family.

I walked away. I never looked back. I threw out the flowers and I drove. The only place I wanted to go, to the beach house, I couldn't. I wanted my mom to comfort me but that house held too many memories of me and Belly. I got in my car and I drove. I didn't know where I was going and I didn't care. I just wanted to be as far away as possible.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

 **Jeremiah:**

I woke up with a wicked hangover. I didn't remember anything from last night. I touched my palm to my forehead and winced in pain. I was laying down in my bed at the fraternity. A girl from our sister sorority was also in my bed, only wearing a bra and underwear. I don't remember her name from last night. Beth? Betty? I was shirtless with only boxers on my lower half. I could pretty much guess what I did, or should I say who.

I stumbled out of bed, not caring if I woke up What's-Her-Face but she was out cold. I managed to make it down the stairs and to the kitchen. I immediately took an Advil and washed it down with whatever was in the red Solo cup next to the sink. It tasted like vodka. Next I stumbled into the shower. I could smell the alcohol coming out of my pores. I wrinkled my nose in disgust.

By the time I got back to my room the girl was gone. I can't believe this is my life. I haven't talked to Conrad or Belly since the almost wedding. Last I heard Belly was spending a year abroad. I think she went to Europe somewhere. I have no clue what Conrad is doing and frankly, I don't care. I speak to Steven every once in a while but he's careful not to bring up either one of them. He knows that the subject is still a little touchy.

I collapse on my bed and let sleep take over. I have three alternating dreams. They never appear in a specific order but they are all so much better than reality. In one, Belly walks down the aisle wearing a white dress. She looks up and smiles at me, her eyes twinkling. Except, I wake up everyday just as we are about to kiss after saying, "I do." The other two are from when I was younger. My mom takes my hand and we walk along the beach. She hands me shells and tells me how much she loves me as she puts her hand on my cheek. Then she vanishes into thin air and I wake up. The last one is of all four of us, Conrad, Belly, Steven, and I. We are all sitting in the living room. Belly is on the couch reading a book, I can never make out the title, and Steven and Conrad are playing video games. They don't even notice I'm there. I just watch the scene from the sidelines. Conrad turns to me and says, "Your turn." while handing me the controller. I always wake up before I can reach out and take it from him.

Today I dream of Belly and our wedding.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

 **Belly:**

I searched through the crowd at the airport looking for my mom. My heart dropped when I saw Conrad. I had received all of his letters but I didn't write back. I had already built up my walls and I wasn't about to let a fucking bouquet of flowers break any of them down. He was far away but I knew he saw me. I shook my head ever so slightly and kept my face stone cold. He got the message perfectly. Once he turned away a single tear slid down my face. I was different. I was a different Belly. I wasn't going to cry over a boy let alone Conrad.

I half walked half ran over the my mom. I hugged her so tight the rest of the world slipped away. "I missed you so much Belly," she whispered so softly, it was barely audible.

"Me too," I replied, smiling.

I hugged Taylor and Steven as well and then we loaded up the car and headed home.

"Tell me everything!" Taylor squealed, "Did you party all night? Did you hook up with a lot of Spanish hotties? I want details!"

"Gross, Taylor," Steven said mockingly from the back seat, "I don't need to know about my sister's sex life!"

I turned up the radio and laughed.

About half and hour later, my mom pulled into our driveway. We had already dropped Taylor off at home and she left very reluctantly. I told her I needed to rest and unpack and that I would call her tomorrow. She gave me a bear hug and waved from her doorstep as we drove away.

Steven carried all my bags inside and dropped them off in my room. My mom had lunch/ dinner waiting for us. I'm not sure which meal this counts as since it's almost three in the afternoon. I sat down and ate greedily considering I haven't touched food since this morning at seven o'clock at the airport McDonald's. I thought of Jeremiah and how that was his favorite thing to eat for breakfast but how he was never able to wake up early enough to get it. My heart ached and I could feel cracks starting to form in my walls. I brushed all thoughts of Fisher boys out of my head.

"How are you mom?" I said, I didn't even try to hide my concern. She looked disheveled, her hair was a mess and I could see dark circles under her eyes.

"Much better now that you're here," she replied without hesitation. She kissed my forehead and for a split second, I felt like a little girl again. But the moment passed and my mom went up the stairs and into her office. I followed except I went to my room and flopped onto the bed. The second my head hit the pillow I was asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four:**

 **Jeremiah:**

** This chapter fast forwards a couple of weeks to Move-In Day at Jeremiah and Belly's college.**

I spent the summer alone in the beach house. I really didn't expect Conrad to show up, I mean he did crash my wedding at this exact spot. I at least thought that Belly would show up. She loves this house move than anything in the entire world. Steven came down for a few days, though. I just mainly surfed during the day and got wasted at night. I tried to stop thinking about Belly but I couldn't. Every time I closed my eyes I saw her standing in her room, wearing her wedding dress telling me to stay. Telling me she loved me but also loved Conrad. I pictured the sadness in her eyes. I wanted to see her so badly. I just didn't want either of us to get hurt again. It was almost like a Catch-22.

 **Belly:**

The only summer I didn't spend at the beach house was the one after Susannah died. I don't think anybody went up to Cousins that year. We were all too heartbroken. I wanted to go this year so badly. I just couldn't bring myself to deal with everything that came along with that house. Before I could work up the courage to drive myself to Cousins, it was time to go back to school. I was dreading this all summer. I would have to see Jeremiah again. _

"Steven can you grab that blue crate?" I asked as I hoisted a duffel bag onto my shoulder. I turned around quickly bumping into somebody. They were tall, muscular, and smelled like Old Spice. I looked up and started to speak but nothing came out.

"I'm so-" Jeremiah's deep green eyes stared back at me.

"Hi," I couldn't think of anything else to say. Jeremiah smiled a classic Jeremiah smile. My stomach did somersaults.

"Do you need help moving in? I'm free for the rest of the day," Jeremiah actually sounded sincere.

"Yeah, uh, actually I-I do," I stammered. My brain suddenly decided that it didn't know how to form words. I have never in my life been nervous because of Jeremiah.

 **Jeremiah:**

God, she looks gorgeous. Her hair is tied back into a messy bun. It's curly from the humidity and her freckles have almost disappeared into her tan. Her lips are moist and the perfect shade of pink. I want to kiss her so badly but I resist. Being near her will have to be enough for now.

"Can you grab one of the crates from the car?" She broke our stare first. I side stepped past her and leaned into the car to grab one of the many crates that were stacked in the car. "Jeez how much stuff did you bring Belly?"

She playfully smacked my arm but I could see a smile spreading across her face. And just like that we were back in a groove. It was like no time had passed and nothing had changed.

"I go by Isabel now," I spoke too soon. She did change.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five:**

 **Conrad:**

I couldn't believe my life was real. I drove all the way to California, back to Stanford after seeing Belly at the airport. I figured if I stayed as far away from her as possible I could start to get over her. But it's been two months and my feelings haven't changed. I know that Belly should be starting school soon and I can't wait any longer. I've been in hell not knowing what she's doing or who she's with. Most importantly I want to make sure she's happy.

I called Laurel. She's the only one who will understand. She picked up on the fifth ring.

"Hello?" Her voice echoed through my phone.

"Laurel..." I started but I didn't know how to start this conversation. "I... I..."

"Conrad, is that you?" She sounded so kind and warm. Her voice instantly soothed me. She reminds me so much of my mother. "Conrad where have you been? Everybody's been so worried. Belly's a mess, so am I."

"Laurel, I messed up," I tried to hide my emotions but my voice came out weak. "I want to come home."

"That's the best idea you've had in a long time," Laurel sounded so happy. I could tell she was smiling through the phone.

"I'm getting on the next plane back to Boston. Please don't tell anybody I'm coming. I'm not ready for that just yet."

"Of course," Laurel hung up the phone, she didn't ask anymore questions. She didn't have to.

 **Belly:**

After Jeremiah helped move everything into my dorm, he stayed for dinner. We ordered pizza since I didn't have anything in my mini fridge yet. It was so nice to hang out with him just like old times. For a few hours I forgot everything, all my problems. We laughed so hard. I have always loved how Jere's eyes crinkle in the corners every time he smiles.

"Bells, you have sauce... right... let me just..." Jeremiah reached up to my face, his thumb rubbed the corner of my mouth. He stopped and held his hand right there against my face. My heart stopped and my smile faded. He leaned in so close I could see every detail on his flawless face. His eyelashes were so long and dark. They perfectly accented his green eyes.

I felt myself hesitate, just a little bit. I didn't even know if he noticed.

 **Jeremiah:**

I was a few inches from her, my hand still resting on her face. She looked directly into my eyes as if she was seeing into my soul and knew exactly who I was. I was about to kiss her and she knew it. Sometimes our ESP doesn't exactly work in my favor.

"We shouldn't do this Jere," Her voice was so quiet at first I didn't realize she said anything. This time a little louder she said, "You should go."

I screwed up again. I should have known that we couldn't automatically go back to what we were. We just have too much history. "Belly..." I started to say something but I didn't know what I could say that would convince her. I didn't even know what I was trying to convince her of.

"Jere I'm not ready for any of this. I can't handle it. I just finished picking up all the pieces of my life. I need time to heal," She sounded so hurt. I should have been there to help her fix everything. I was supposed to be that person for her. It made me hurt seeing her hurt.

I grabbed her hands and held them tight so she couldn't try and pull them away. "I know, it's all my fault. The day of our wedding I was feeling so many different things. I projected all my anger from Conrad at you and that wasn't right. Just tell me how I can make it right."

 **Belly:**

He was holding my hand so tight his knuckles were turning white. "Please go Jere. I can't do this. I need to focus on myself."

I could see the hurt in his eyes but I could also feel the tears in mine. I wasn't lying when I said I needed to focus on me.

He got up and left. He looked back at me before he closed the door and I hoped he didn't see the tears spilling out of my eyes. I think I will always love both Fisher boys. However, I don't know now if I really love them or if I'm just reliving the past and trying to fulfill Susannah's dream of me marrying one of her sons. I feel like I'm disrespecting her memory just by thinking something like that. I also couldn't live with myself if I hurt either of "Beck's boys". The only thing I was sure of was that I needed sleep more than air at the moment.

 **Conrad:**

That was the longest plane ride of my life. Belly was on my mind the whole flight. Laurel was going to pick me up, even though it is practically the middle of the night. Three A.M. to be exact. The airport is pretty deserted. I am so anxious I don't even have a plan. I can't just walk up to Belly and say, "I still love you please take me back!" I'm so tired I can't even think about any of that now. Laurel is letting me crash at her house until I figure things out.

I have decided that I will talk to Belly face to face tomorrow. I figured it would be better if it were a surprise, so then she doesn't have the chance to try and runaway. Before I can think anymore, I spot Laurel from across the terminal.


	6. Chapter 6

p style="text-align: center;"span style="text-decoration: underline;"strongChapter Six/strong/span/p  
p style="text-align: center;"strongBelly: /strong/p  
p style="text-align: left;"I rolled out of bed at round nine A.M. I decided that I would go for a run to clear my head. Jeremiah had crossed a line yesterday that I had no idea I had even drawn. I felt like crap. I had hurt him so bad when I pulled away from the kiss. But, I can't keep trying to take care of everybody else. I need to be selfish and take care of myself for a change. I pulled on shorts and a tee-shirt and laced up my sneakers. I popped earbuds in and took off, careful not to wake my roommate. /p  
p style="text-align: left;"At first I started off at a jog. I figured I would warm up, first. After all, I hadn't been running in awhile. But all the emotions dealing with Jere and Conrad kept pushing to the front of my mind. I forced my legs to work harder, to go faster. I forced them to escape all the pain. Adrenalin pumped through my veins, I barely noticed when my lungs started to burn. I ran until I could only think about how sore my legs were. /p  
p style="text-align: left;"_/p  
p style="text-align: left;"I had been running for three miles. I walked back to my dorm room, exhausted. As I rounded the corner into my hall, I saw him. He was standing in front of my door, no doubt, reading the dry erase board with my name on it. This time he wasn't holding flowers but he still had that hopeful look in his eyes. My heart sank, just like it did the first time I saw him at the airport. /p  
p style="text-align: left;"I willed myself not to show any weakness. I walked right up to the door, unlocked it, and motioned for Conrad to come inside. He obediently followed, a confused express flashed over his face but it was gone within seconds. /p  
p style="text-align: left;""Hi," I made sure not to stammer or sound too feeble. My voice was strong but not over-eager. /p  
p style="text-align: left;""Hi," he replied almost instantly. I sat down on my bed and took off my sneakers. Conrad remained standing right by the door. I was so happy my roommate wasn't home. /p  
p style="text-align: left;""What are you doing here? I thought I made it clear I never wanting to see you again," Maybe I was too harsh but I didn't really have any compassion left for Conrad Fisher. /p  
p style="text-align: left;""Belly... I needed to see you. I've been so lost without you. I thought I was protecting you by leaving. I thought I could live with the fact that you were happy with Jeremiah but I can't. I went to the airport to tell you that..." His voice trailed off at the end and I knew he was looking for the right words to say next. /p  
p style="text-align: center;"strongConrad:/strong/p  
p style="text-align: left;""Jeremiah and I broke up after the wedding. I needed to find a way to be happy on my own so I went to Spain." Belly's face gave away no emotion. I could usually tell what she was thinking or how she was feeling, but she gave nothing up. It was clear I was going to have to work harder for her forgiveness. /p  
p style="text-align: left;""I don't expect you to forgive me right away but I need to know that I still have a chance at being in your life," I could hear the pleading tone in my own voice and I hoped she could hear it too. /p  
p style="text-align: left;""I can't let myself get hurt again," She sounded so defeated, so vulnerable. I wanted to comfort her in some way but I didn't know how. "I just finished putting my life back together and it seems like every emsingle/em damn time I do that, you and Jeremiah find a way to destroy it. I don't have enough energy left to deal with this."/p  
p style="text-align: left;"What did Jeremiah have to do with anything? She said the two of them had broken up. "Belly I promise I won't hurt you again, you can trust me." /p  
p style="text-align: left;""But I can't, you know I can't." I could see cracks in her armor already starting to form as a few tears streamed down her face. "I think you should go."/p  
p style="text-align: left;""Belly... please."/p  
p style="text-align: left;""Now." /p  
p style="text-align: center;"strongJeremiah:/strong/p  
p style="text-align: left;"Belly had every right to be mad at me after last night. I am such a douche. I broke her heart and she left the fucking continent to get away from me and then I try and kiss her on the first night I have spent time with her in over a year. I figured the least I could do was to bring her apology donuts this morning for breakfast. /p  
p style="text-align: left;"I was trying to figure out how to knock with coffee and a box of donuts in my hands when the door opened, all by itself. I was awestruck. Conrad stood on the other side of the door. He looked me right in the eye and scoffed. emHe scoffed! /emHe was acting like he wasn't the one who had literally blown up my wedding and my relationship only a year ago. I was so fed up with all of his bullshit. I dropped the coffee and the donuts and before I could even stop myself my right fist was connecting with his face. /p  
p style="text-align: left;"He stumbled backward but regained his composure quickly. I tried to punch him again but he caught my fist in mid-air. He looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Don't start this with me Jere."/p  
p style="text-align: left;"I peered into Belly's dorm, the door was still wide open, I could see her standing in the doorway. Her eyes were red and her cheeks were tear stained. I shook my hand loose from Conrad's grasp and walked into Belly's room. Steam was coming out of my nose and ears. I shut the door and locked it before Conrad had the chance to protest. /p  
p style="text-align: left;"I hugged Belly so hard and so fast she didn't even have time to react. He body was rigid and she made no move to hug me back. Her shoulders shook violently and she was taking big, heaving breaths. /p  
p style="text-align: center;"strongBelly: /strong/p  
p style="text-align: left;"I let Jeremiah hold me for a long time. I don't know how much time had passed, it felt like hours. Finally I broke away first. "Elizabeth, my roommate, will be back soon. She went out to lunch with her family."/p  
p style="text-align: left;""Ok."/p  
p style="text-align: left;""Can we go to your place?" The question shocked me almost as much as it shocked Jeremiah. Just last night I was telling him I couldn't handle being around him or Conrad. Now I was asking to go to his frat house. I guess Conrad really did break me. /p  
p style="text-align: left;" /p  
p style="text-align: left;" /p 


	7. Chapter 7

p style="text-align: center;"span style="text-decoration: underline;"strongChapter Seven/strong/span/p  
p style="text-align: center;"strongJeremiah: /strong/p  
p style="text-align: left;"Excitement and terror surged through my body. Belly wanted to come back to my house. Granted it was my frat house but she wanted me to be the one to comfort her. She told me she needed a minute to get ready and went to the bathroom without any further explanation. She told me to wait in the hallway. Through the door I could hear her on the phone. /p  
p style="text-align: left;""Tay... Yes he came... No nothing happened... I'm ok... Don't do anything illegal, Conrad's not worth it! I have to go." So Taylor was just as mad as I am at Conrad, at the moment. Good to know. A few minutes later Belly came out of her room. She was carrying a small overnight bag and I wondered if she was planning on staying the night. She had pulled her hair back into a pony tail but a few wisps escaped and framed her face. She truly was the most beautiful person on the planet. I can never imagine loving anyone else. We walked across campus in silence, not daring to mentioning Conrad and his surprise visit. /p  
p style="text-align: left;"_/p  
p style="text-align: left;"After hours of the two of us talking and stuffing our faces with takeout in my room, I finally got up the nerve to ask some real questions. "Belly, what did Conrad say to you?" I figured I should be as up front as possible if I was going to get some real answers out of her. /p  
p style="text-align: left;""He told me he still loved me. He wanted to get back together," She didn't look me in the eye. She stared down at her takeout container, fiddling with the last of her noodles. /p  
p style="text-align: left;""What did you tell him?" I had to know if she still loves him. She obviously doesn't want to get back together or she wouldn't have been crying when I came over. /p  
p style="text-align: left;""I said that I couldn't handle anything like that now."/p  
p style="text-align: left;"Her answers could not have been more dry. She wasn't telling me everything. "I only have one more question. I promise."/p  
p style="text-align: left;""Ok."/p  
p style="text-align: left;""Why did you bring that overnight bag?" I don't know why I was so nervous to hear the answer. There could be a lot of different explanations for her bringing a bag. /p  
p style="text-align: left;"She finally looked up and met my gaze. She reached up her right hand and cupped the left side of my face, just like I had done yesterday. She leaned in very slowly, very gently, and pressed her lips against mine. It was the most innocent kiss but it held so much emotion and meaning. /p  
p style="text-align: left;"When she didn't pull away, I grabbed the back of her neck and pulled her body against mine. I had waited so long for this. She tasted like Chapstick and smelled fresh, like deodorant. It was intoxicating. I ran my fingers through her hair as I slipped my tongue into her mouth. She did the same to me. Suddenly, we were full-on making out. Somewhere in the midst of all of this, we managed to get over to the bed. I was tugging at the hem of her shirt when she flinched. /p  
p style="text-align: center;"strongBelly: /strong/p  
p style="text-align: left;"Jeremiah and I had never slept together. I was always waiting for the perfect moment. I wanted my first time to happen at the beach house. I wanted it to be romantic, with candles and rose petals and everything. After we got engaged I just figured we should wait until the honeymoon and then we broke up. I never dated any one in Spain. So that left me here, in a frat house, on Jeremiah's bed, making out, and a virgin. /p  
p style="text-align: center;"strongJeremiah: /strong/p  
p style="text-align: left;"Right after she pulled away from me and hesitated I knew I was an ass. When we were dating, she was still a virgin. I just figured she had lost it to somebody in Spain. But I should have known that Belly could never do something like that. Everything with her had to be special and meaningful. She would never lose her virginity to some random guy. /p  
p style="text-align: left;""We don't have to," I didn't want to pressure her into doing something that she didn't want to do. I didn't even know if she was stable enough to handle something like this. Conrad had been on her doorstep and in her room a few hours ago. Hell, a few hours ago she was telling me she wasn't ready for a relationship and she wanted to focus on herself. /p  
p style="text-align: left;""Ok. Can I stay here with you though?" /p  
p style="text-align: left;"She sounded like a little kid again. "Of course. We can do anything you want."/p  
p style="text-align: left;"_/p  
p style="text-align: left;"Belly left to change into her pajamas and brush her teeth. I told her to use the bathroom across the hall so she didn't bump into any of the frat brothers downstairs. When she came back to the room I couldn't help but smile. She was in a spaghetti strap tank top and emshort /emNike shorts. She climbed right into bed next to me and got under the covers. I wrapped my arm around her and she nuzzled her head into the space between my shoulder and chest. It fit perfectly, almost like we were made for each other. /p  
p style="text-align: left;"When I thought Belly was asleep, I kissed the top of her head and whispered, "I love you."/p  
p style="text-align: left;"With her eyes remaining closed she responded, "I didn't tell you everything before. I told Conrad that I thought you and him took turns breaking my heart. I told him that it felt like I was destined to be hurt by the Fisher boys, over and over again." /p  
p style="text-align: left;"She didn't say anything else. I held my breath. Her confession felt like a punch in the gut. All the air was taken from my lungs. Her breathing quickly slowed and she rolled over in the other direction. I didn't sleep at all. I just kept thinking about how badly Conrad and I had screwed Belly up. /p  
p style="text-align: left;"I hated to admit it, but what Belly said was true. Conrad's changing feelings for Belly gave everybody trying to understand their relationship whiplash and I had cheated on Belly and then basically left her at the alter. I had no clue how she could still stand to be in the same room with either of us. I just wish that one day she could find it in her heart to forgive me. /p 


	8. Chapter 8

p style="text-align: center;"span style="text-decoration: underline;"strongChapter Eight:/strong/span/p  
p style="text-align: center;"strongConrad:/strong/p  
p style="text-align: left;"Everything Belly said in the dorm room made sense. I had hurt her so many times. I just thought that she could find it in her heart to forgive me, one last time. This is the time I would have gotten it right. /p  
p style="text-align: left;"I spoke to Agnes when I went back to California. She said that no matter what happens, I have to trust fate and destiny and all this other bullshit. Belly trusted "The Universe" to make sure she ended up with her soul mate, and look where that left her. I have to fight for Belly. I can't just keep running away. /p  
p style="text-align: left;"The only place I know Belly will be, for sure, is the beach house. She goes there any time she's upset or needs to be reminded of Susannah. I drive straight there, only stopping for gas and the occasional pee break. She needs to know how much I love her. I have to figure out a way to show her I love her. The perfect idea pops into my head. I head to the nearest jewelry store and hope that I won't max out my credit card. /p  
p style="text-align: center;"strongBelly: /strong/p  
p style="text-align: left;"I wake up around 6:30 A.M. Jeremiah is still sound asleep right next to me. I want to stay like this forever. Even though he's hurt me in the past, I feel safest when I'm in his arms. I snuggle back into his chest and decide to enjoy the moment for a little longer. /p  
p style="text-align: left;"About and hour later, Jeremiah starts to wake up. "Good morning," he mumbles as he rolls over to face me. /p  
p style="text-align: left;""Morning," a smile creeps across my lips because, damn, he's so perfect. "Can we go to Cousins?" The question escapes my lips before I have a chance to think about what I'm actually saying. /p  
p style="text-align: left;"Jeremiah doesn't even hesitate, "When do we leave?"/p  
p style="text-align: center;"strongJeremiah:/strong/p  
p style="text-align: left;"I quickly threw a few things into a bag and within the hour Belly and I were on the road to the beach house. I made sure to pack a bathing suit and a few extra tee-shirts because Belly used to love to wear them when we were dating. The shirts were always way too big on Belly because she's so small and it would look like she was wearing a dress. It was adorable, I loved seeing her in my clothes. I miss it so much. I miss the people we were before I had to go and screw everything up. /p  
p style="text-align: left;"Belly turned up the radio and the noise brought me back to reality. "Aren't you scared that one day your ear drums will burst from how loud the music is?" I asked jokingly. /p  
p style="text-align: left;""Shut up, it makes me feel... free," She had such a pure smile on her face. A warm feeling spread through out my whole body. We could never go back to the people we were last year, but maybe we could grow together and become better together. We didn't speak the rest of the way. Sometimes not speaking conveys your true feeling better than speaking, though. /p  
p style="text-align: center;"strongBelly: /strong/p  
p style="text-align: left;"We pulled into the driveway of the beach house a few hours later. Jeremiah and I didn't say much the whole ride, but it was a comfortable silence. Ever since Jere cheated in Cabo and our almost wedding, I felt like I couldn't trust him. Like at any second he would morph from sweet, caring Jeremiah to heart breaker Jeremiah. However, these last few days, I only feel safe with him. /p  
p style="text-align: left;"I was lost in the music and the smell of the salty air, I didn't even notice something was wrong when we pulled into the driveway./p  
p style="text-align: left;""Shit," Jeremiah whispered under his breath./p  
p style="text-align: left;""What, what is it?" I surveyed my surroundings and my eyes landed on Conrad's car. /p  
p style="text-align: left;"He was here. I definitely couldn't handle this. I was just starting to feel safe again. It was becoming harder and harder to breathe. My chest felt tight and I could hear somebody hyperventilating. It took me a minute to realize that was me. Hot tears poured out of my eyes. My arms and legs felt limp. /p  
p style="text-align: left;"Jeremiah was freaking out next to me. He didn't understand what was happening. I got panic attacks all the time in Spain. They started after the almost wedding. I just needed to wait a few minutes for it to pass. This attack felt like it went on forever. /p  
p style="text-align: left;"Jeremiah was rubbing my back and telling me it was going to be ok. The words weren't even registering in my mind. /p  
p style="text-align: left;"After a while, my body got tired and my breathing returned to normal. I didn't have any tears left to cry. I didn't say a word to Jeremiah. I just grabbed my bag from the back seat and walked up the stairs and into the house. I didn't even blink when I saw Conrad on the couch, staring at me. /p  
p style="text-align: center;" /p  
p style="text-align: left;" /p 


	9. Chapter 9

p style="text-align: center;"span style="text-decoration: underline;"strongChapter Nine:/strong/span/p  
p style="text-align: center;"strongConrad:/strong/p  
p style="text-align: left;"I heard a car pull into the driveway and I didn't get up to check who it was. I knew it was Belly. She was like an open book. I always knew what she was going to do, sometimes before she did. I waited and waited for her to come inside. I was nervous and excited and scared, all at the same time. Five minutes passed, and then ten, and then fifteen. Finally she came inside. She was carrying a small overnight bag. Her eyes were red and puffy, like she had been crying. She didn't even stop to say hello to me. She didn't even look at me. /p  
p style="text-align: left;"Jeremiah walked in moments after Belly. I haven't seen Jeremiah in over a year, since the wedding that never happened. I was sure he hated me. I would hate me too. But all I could think about right now was the fact that Belly was crying and she was with Jeremiah. He obviously did something to make her upset. What the hell is wrong with him? He knows she's been through so much, why does we want to hurt her more?/p  
p style="text-align: left;""What did you do?" I was furious, I'm sure my voice showed it. He met me with a look that held just as much anger. /p  
p style="text-align: left;""I think the real question is what did you do, brother."/p  
p style="text-align: left;""What the fuck are you talking about?" I clenched my fists and flared my nostrils. In the distance, I heard the sound of a splash and I instantly knew Belly was in the pool. /p  
p style="text-align: left;""Belly had a panic attack in the driveway after seeing your car."/p  
p style="text-align: left;"I backed down. I was the reason. I am always the reason she cries . It's all my fault. I need to fix this. I need to fix everything. I just have to talk to her. I have to make her listen to me. /p  
p style="text-align: left;"_/p  
p style="text-align: left;"I ran up to my room and grabbed the ring box that was perched neatly on my dresser. My heart pounded against my rib cage. I could hear it beating in my ears. I hoped Belly wouldn't be able to notice. I stepped outside right as Belly was climbing out of the pool. She was in a bikini and she looked so sexy. She was the most beautiful girl in the whole world. I lost my train of thought just looking at her. /p  
p style="text-align: left;"She saw me standing by the door and sat down on a lounge chair. She patted the seat next to her as if to say, "It's ok, come sit with me." I hurried over to her before she could resend the offer. /p  
p style="text-align: left;"I launched right into everything I wanted to say, I didn't want to give her the opportunity to interrupt. "Belly when I came to talk to you at your dorm, I didn't say any of the right things. I didn't know what to say. I was so confused. But I know what I want now. I want you. I want to be with you. I want us to be happy together," I paused because I was so winded from speaking without a break. She looked at me with a blank expression on her face. She eyes were emotionless. This wasn't my Belly. /p  
p style="text-align: left;""Is that everything? Or can I talk now?" Her voice was steady. /p  
p style="text-align: left;""No there's more," I pulled the ring box out of my pocket. I opened to to show her. Shock swept across her face. This was the first emotion I saw her show all day. "I want everything with you. I want to be your husband and I want to have kids with you. I want forever. This isn't an engagement ring, but it is a promise ring. I won't leave. I'm here, for the good and the bad. Please, Belly. I need you." /p  
p style="text-align: left;"She stayed still for the longest time. I needed her to say something, anything. "I'm done now."/p  
p style="text-align: left;""Conrad, a few years ago, I would have died if you said all those things to me. It would have made me so happy. I would have said yes right away. But I can't trust you. I love you so much, I think I always will, but I need to start to love myself too. Plus, I've changed. I'm not the girl you fell in love with. I'm tougher, I was forced to become stronger after the emotional hell you and Jeremiah put me through." /p  
p style="text-align: left;"My heart sank. I felt so defeated. I put myself out on the line and she rejected me. I guess this is what I made her feel like for years. "Belly I'm not done fighting for us. I know your tired and you don't have any energy left but that's ok. I can fight enough for the both of us." /p  
p style="text-align: left;"I grabbed her hand and she didn't pull away. I pulled her into me so she was basically sitting on my lap. I held her as she cried. I kissed the top of her head and whispered in her ear, "Infinity."/p  
p style="text-align: center;"strongJeremiah: /strong/p  
p style="text-align: left;"I watched from the balcony. This scene has played out so many times before. Conrad hurts Belly and I'm there to comfort her. Then, she goes running back to Conrad. She never learns. When is she going to see that I'm better for her. I won't hurt her over and over again. I can be there for her. Why doesn't she see that?/p  
p style="text-align: left;"Conrad and Belly are heading back towards the house. I walk to my room before they notice that I was watching. I'm relieved when I see that they go to their separate rooms. I still have a chance, but I need to talk to Belly tonight. /p  
p style="text-align: left;"I knock on her door before I lose my nerve. "Belly, it's Jere." /p  
p style="text-align: left;""Come in," She calls from her bed. She already has on an old tee-shirt that's at least three sizes too big. Her hair is pulled back into a messy bun. She smells like a mix of chlorine and baby shampoo, she must have showered after the pool. /p  
p style="text-align: left;""I have to talk to you," I can't believe I'm about to do this, "Belly I still love you. I hate to see you with Conrad because I know in my heart he will end up hurting you. I can make you happy. I know you've changed over the past year but want to grow with you. I want to love every version of you. I just want to be with you." /p  
p style="text-align: left;""Jere, do you remember what I said last night? I told you that you and Conrad take turns breaking my heart? You two have managed to do that once again."/p  
p style="text-align: left;" /p


	10. Chapter 10

**This will be the last chapter of Belly "choosing" between the Fisher boys. I will branch the story so you can see what happens if Belly chooses Conrad or Jeremiah.**

* * *

p style="text-align: center;"span style="text-decoration: underline;"strongChapter Ten: /strong/span/p  
p style="text-align: center;"strongBelly: /strong/p  
p style="text-align: left;"I had so much to think about. For as long as I can remember I had pined after Conrad. I had loved him with all my heart. He was my everything. But somewhere along the line, Jeremiah worked his way into the picture. I love them both so much. Sometimes I feel guilty for loving them both. In the end, I know I will have to break one of their hearts. One of our relationships will be forever changed. What if I make the wrong decision? What if I end up losing them both? I could feel my breathing become irregular again. I couldn't control. I was having another panic attack. My sobs were hysterical, I felt like the whole world was spinning. /p  
p style="text-align: left;"Before I knew what was happening, both Conrad and Jeremiah were in my room. They rushed over to me, trying and failing to comfort me. /p  
p style="text-align: left;""This is exactly what happened before in the driveway," Jeremiah was trying to tell Conrad. /p  
p style="text-align: left;"Conrad immediately jumped into action, he knew exactly what to do. "Belly, you're having a panic attack because of all the emotional drama going on right now. You need to breathe. Like this." Conrad demonstrated breathing in through his nose and out through his mouth. I followed his instructions. /p  
p style="text-align: left;""You're okay, you just need to keep breathing, okay?" /p  
p style="text-align: left;"I couldn't get any words out so I just nodded my head. After about five minutes my breathing went back to normal and I had stopped crying. Jeremiah looked like he was going to be sick, he was so pale. /p  
p style="text-align: left;""Thank you," I said to Conrad, "I'm sorry about this, I think I should just go home." I started packing up all my stuff when Conrad grabbed my hand. /p  
p style="text-align: left;""Belly this is nothing to be ashamed about. You should be around people who care about you, not with a complete stranger in a dorm room. Please stay." He looked genuinely concerned so I put my overnight bag down and sat back down on my bedroom floor. /p  
p style="text-align: left;""How long have you been having these panic attacks?" Conrad continued asking questions while Jeremiah silently walked across the room and sat on the other side of me. We were all lined up, backs against the wall, feet straight out in front. I was sandwiched between "Beck's Boys"./p  
p style="text-align: left;""They started right after the wedding." I looked straight ahead, this was so embarrassing. I could feel the back of my neck get hot. Both the boys were staring right at me, I could sense it. /p  
p style="text-align: left;""I had no idea you were going through this. I'm so sorry," Jeremiah finally decided to speak. /p  
p style="text-align: left;""Have you seen a doctor?" I turned to face Conrad and Jeremiah. /p  
p style="text-align: left;""Do you really think this is something I would go talk to a 'professional' about. There is no easy way to explain you're in love with two brothers who both love you back without sounding incredibly obnoxious. There are people out there with real problems," I paused to take a deep breath, then I looked Conrad directly in the eye, "No, I haven't seen a doctor." /p  
p style="text-align: left;"Conrad and Jeremiah were silent. They knew that everything I just said was true. At the same time, I could tell they wanted to help me, anyway they could. I mean, Conrad is basically a doctor for God's sake. /p  
p style="text-align: left;"_/p  
p style="text-align: left;"After sitting together for awhile, I finally broke the silence, "I think we should have a real conversation, like adults," I needed to talk to them together if I was ever going to figure out my feelings. "The last time we were in this situation everybody got hurt and I don't think I can go through that again." /p  
p style="text-align: left;""Are you serious Bells? I don't really feel like discussing my love life with my younger brother," Conrad already looked skeptical and I knew that this little talk would not be easy, for any of us. /p  
p style="text-align: left;""I think Belly is right, Con. We have to get everything out in the open," Jeremiah seemed on board which was a good sign./p  
p style="text-align: left;"Conrad finally gave in, "Fine but if Jeremiah starts to cry I'm out." I knew Conrad was joking but there was a serious undertone to his voice. /p  
p style="text-align: left;""I don't was to hurt either of you," My breathe almost caught but I held it together, "But I can't have both of you."/p  
p style="text-align: left;""Belly, like I said before, I want everything with you. I am ready for this relationship now, I can handle it," Conrad reached for my hand but I wouldn't let him take it. /p  
p style="text-align: left;""He's hurt you so many times before Belly," Jeremiah sound so angry, he looked it too, "I have always been there for you. I will always be there for you. I can't think of anybody else in the world that makes me as happy as you do." /p  
p style="text-align: left;""I hope you both realize that the second I chose one of you, we will never be the same." My voice started to waver. "I want to spend the rest of the week together before I go back to school."/p  
p style="text-align: left;"With that I kicked both boys out of my room because I really needed to sleep, bad. They left bewildered and confused, I could tell. But they did what I said. /p


End file.
